Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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