new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dear god my vagina.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
