right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's great music for shaving your balls
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
