yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
