apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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