I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
