um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
