Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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