Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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