another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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