Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
