Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
