hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
