glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
