You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize