Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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