Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
