You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
