I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
