dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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