1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
