i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
