i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
