I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
