we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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