dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
