9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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