Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Holy shit dude........stairs
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
