My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
