Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
