please come you make the beer taste better
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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