So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't deserve a penis
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
