Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
