Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
