so that wasnt chicken after all
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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