i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
