Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
