have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
