he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?