worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
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Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.