Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"