hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek