Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
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Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
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I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.