i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it