we have officially lost it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
