I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
