Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
