Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
