Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
