dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
