So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
