i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
