sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
