The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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