i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
