so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
