omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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