If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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