so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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