Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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