My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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