New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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