and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
