her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
