i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
