At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
