I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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