if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
